90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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