i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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