I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
It's not a walk of shame if you run
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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