I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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