We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
