I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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