You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
