Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
