The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
