oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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