a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
