i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
