I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
