Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
