i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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