You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
