you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
lol hangovers are for mortals.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
