WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
