I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
