Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
