Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
