this boner is exhausting
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
