I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
