there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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