There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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