I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
