ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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