I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
