dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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