He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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