just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
