i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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