its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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