yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
