If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I think people are normalizing furries
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
