I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
