Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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