I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
