Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Never let your siblings swipe right.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
