Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
