Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
