Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
