ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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