I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
