Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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