Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
