She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
