We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
