Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
