I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
