**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
You can't motorboat a personality
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
