K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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