yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
