Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
accomplished twins. life is a go
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
