Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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