I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
